This past month has probably been one of the healthiest of my life. I lost a lot of weight in the hospital but have thankfully gained it back, and have found that I am truly enjoying eating a healthy amount of nutrient dense foods every day. Being on the tiniest thread of medication has been incredible as well. It’s the first time in seven and a half years that my body hasn’t been flooded with chemicals, and I feel so healthy and happy. I am absolutely thankful for the team of medical professionals who work with me to make sure I am stable and well. Moreover I am thankful that God has made it clear to me that I am in His grasp and am safe.
It’s a shock to me that what is usually one of the most difficult times of year has become such a time of peace and restoration. My husband and I marveled this morning over how things were going, and I am reflecting at the way God has allowed our marriage to weather so many storms. Every day I am grateful, waking up happy and going to bed at peace.
I’m trying to be aware of myself mentally and physically, without stressing about “What if I need medication again?” It’s there and I know it’s a safety net I can rely on if I need it. For now though, I’ve been working with my doctor, nurse and therapist to find the healthiest solutions to stress I can use, implementing yoga, breath work and prayer to keep me stable when I feel overwhelmed rather than taking a pill.
Sometimes I don’t want to take the time to do the work, or to experience half an hour of anxiety and allow panic to course through me before it passes, but it always does, and I am so amazed at how these other techniques have benefited my health. My skin has become very clear, where I always struggled with breakouts, and my body feels strong. Doing strength building workouts during the week has increased my confidence and helped me feel calm about gaining weight in a healthy way.
I know this is a time that could erupt with difficulty, but I am not worrying as I usually do. This is because I have felt God’s love and presence wrap around me, holding me secure. His promises are real. I am overwhelmed at how He makes Himself known in both the times of trial and the times of peace.
Although verse 11 in Jeremiah 29 can often be taken out of context, I do see the parallels in my life in correlation to the passage.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ”
In reading that I am reminded of the hope I have in my own life, knowing the plans are laid out and I can be free to trust whatever comes, aware that it has been orchestrated by a God who does not make mistakes.